Why we don’t want your stupid cup cake

Listen up moms of little ones….. We don’t want your stupid cupcake. Please don’t take this personally. We (educators of the little minds) just don’t want your precious birthday cupcake in our class and here’s why:

1. I have 27 kids in my class. No that’s not a typo. Lets subtract the 6 students with summer birthdays so that brings us down to 21. That means 21 birthdays and 21 sets of 30 cup cakes that you sent in this morning. Those cupcakes sat in my room waiting for lunch time. Space is clearly ample with 27 desk and 27 chairs and 27 little bodies to go in those 27 chairs at those 27 desk. And these new ones where all the cupcakes a put near each other and have a picture created in 3 inches of icing in the 3×3 box. Even better.

2. Can your kid carry around a box and pass out cup cakes in a non-chaos causing manner? Probably not,  so guess who gets to do that?! Not you. You are eating your lunch free of spilled milk, cries of “he touched me!!!” and food containers kids can’t open. No worries, I will pass out the cupcakes during my lunch. Those 20 minutes where I get to converse with adults are not precious to me.

3. You sent an extra one in for the teacher. Bless you. I can’t eat 21 cupcakes. We already stress eat because it’s all we have…. Try keeping your cool when little Sally has made Little Maddie mad for the 10th time that day.  I refuses to gain 10 lbs of cupcake.

4. Food allergies. Funny how there’s always 3-4 kids with “allergies” in each class for the little ones, but by time they hit 4th grade we’re down to 2 for the whole grade. The follow conversation is real (names have been changed)
Student 1: Julie told me I have to move seats because she’s allergic to fish and I have tuna today.
Teacher: Hold up, Send Julie over here.
Convo with Julie
Teacher: So what’s going on?
Julie: I am allergic to fish.
Teacher: If you smell fish does your throat swell? Do you break out in a rash and I need to hit you with an epi pin and call 911?
Julie: Well no….
Teacher: Go sit down.

To those students with true food allergies, I am sorry and happy to accommodate your little one. But for little jimmy isn’t allergic to red. Having the dietary restrictions of 27 kids is taking up ample space in my brain I will never, ever get back.

5. You kid picks his nose and looks like he slept in his clothes. No I don’t want your homemade cupcake. End of Discussion.

6. Cat Hair- enough said

7: Not fully cooked- yummy.

8. Cupcakes containing no natural food color.

9. Holidays/Class Celebrations = MORE CUPCAKES!!

10. Guilt trip. Do I tell the student “No, I don’t want your Birthday cupcake?”  Or do I take it and trash it later and hope they’re not looking?

So parents, dig a little deep and think outside the box. STOP WITH THE CUPCAKES. I walked into a kindergarten room for valentines and they were making fruit parfaits. They had their yogurt and fruits in valentines colors. I really wanted to stay and enjoy. With pintrest there’s no need to settle any more.

I would like to leave you with the following picture. I think you will see why I don’t want your stupid cupcake.


Folks, that neon purple is not normal.


11 Responses

  1. Kathy Markham
    | Reply

    This is awesome. So, very true…

  2. Kelly Johnston
    | Reply

    Loved this! ? as a mom of 3 and hater of grocery cupcakes, I enjoyed immensely! My kids begged me to bring them for their birthdays. And I did. One year. Then…I bought 4 boxes of brownie mix (did I mention I have twins?) the kids hepled, and voila! Brownies for everyone. And yep….my kids passed them out. No adult needed. I’ve also done a cool home made cookie. Easier, way more cost effective, and no food coloring required ?. Keep up the good work!!

    • semay22@mac.com
      | Reply

      We love to see cookies come in! Much less of a mess than a cupcake. You are brave for cooking brownies with twins!

  3. Dana
    | Reply

    Wow! I realize this is supposed to be funny but it’s very disrespectful. Kid looks like he slept in his clothes? I’m surprised this was featured in JH’s email (okay, I’m really not).

  4. Kimber
    | Reply

    Seeing from your hilarious perspective was very valuable. Sadly, my children were a deprived bunch. I would rather step on a bee hive than make cupcakes. so. much. freaking. work.
    I can only imagine what your class looked after those purple darlings.

    • semay22@mac.com
      | Reply

      Yes, lessons on how to eat a cup cake with out smearing the icing over every possible surface is part of my curriculum.

  5. Joy Larink
    | Reply

    This is right-on. I once even had a mom bring in a homemade sheet cake with no plates, no forks and of course no knife allowed in school.
    One tactic I often used was to serve the sweets right before dismissal so that the sugar amped up children went home.
    Happily retired

    • semay22@mac.com
      | Reply

      Joy that’s the worst when they don’t send in anything to help with serving and eating of the baked good! So many people over look that detail!

  6. Adelle
    | Reply

    Love love love!!!!! Thankfully my district doesn’t allow any homemade treats and especially not birthday cupcakes or treats. Soooooooo thankful. I barely have time to pee during that blessed 20 min lunch let alone pass out a prissy parent’s cupcakes.

  7. Joy
    | Reply

    I love this! I substitute teach ALOT and for some reason it usually lands on a day when sweets are bring brought in…hmmm. 16 three year olds with an enormous amount of fake sugar and food coloring… Not fun!

  8. Ellie
    | Reply

    My youngest took Donuts in on his birthdays, but we were fortunate none of his classmates had food restrictions. I asked.?.

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