Stop with the disclaimers. Wondering what a disclaimer is? It sounds like this: “I hate to whine but… I hate to be a burden, I hate to ask, I don’t mean to….. But… I don’t know if this is right…. and last my all time favorite of “I hate to be that person but…”
I’ve noticed we tend to give a disclaimer before we ask for something we truly need that may be outside of our perfect little box we try to present our lives exist in. We want to be vulnerable, but we throw up the disclaimer to soften the blow if no one loves us in this moment. STOP IT.
Just like we can’t fit our lives into a pretty little box, our emotions don’t have one either. Big feelings happen some times and you can’t stop them. As a slightly controlling first born my box of emotions exploded a good two years ago much to my struggle to tape it shut and fedex it to Antarctica. I have now upgraded to one of those Pod things. They will all fit right?? I hear it has a lock.
I think as women we tend to do this more. When is the last time you had people to your house an didn’t give a disclaimer about your current mess or unfinished DIY project. We all have our moments where the house is spotless and it last a good 24 hours if you’re lucky. Most of use live in our homes with actual lives so they get a little unorganized. No one cares, just great your friends with a warm welcome and move on.
Don’t distance yourself from your emotions either. Again, I have learned you can’t out run them. They will be there to hand you the water every time you lap by going “Hey how about you feel me now?” Eventually that feeling will tackle you and leave you with no choice. You’ll more than likely scrape your knee when you get tackled and no one needs a scraped knee. Don’t out run your feelings. They will so catch you.
As a single girl there seems to be this unwritten rule of we just don’t talk about those feelings among our pack of single people. Don’t get me wrong the list of pros to being single is long. Outside of the confines of my job and the law, I can go anywhere and do anything. Ok, I may be under the confines of my budget too (life sponsor where are you??). I don’t know if I would be as rooted in who I am as a person or what following what God has going on in my life if I weren’t single and I’m thankful for both of these. However, some days I feel the cons of my single life. It would be nice to be some one’s priority every now and then. Or maybe it’s just the little things such as “Hey I put gas in your car cause I saw that it was low” and “Here, I made you breakfast”. Some days I feel these emotions and they don’t make me become “That single girl” because I feel them. I’m sure new brides and moms feel them too. I can’t speak from experience but I’m wise enough to know that both becoming a bride and a mom are not magical. Maybe you don’t like your kid or husband today. I’m sure transitioning to becoming a working mom or a new stay at home mom is hard and comes with enough emotions to fill a u-haul. Own it. Your life isn’t a Disney movie and those life events are hard.
Maybe you are the newbie at work and you hate “to be the newbie” and ask a dumb question. Seriously, ask the question otherwise you’ll become the “rookie” because you made a rookie mistake.However these questions come with a cap because then you will actually be that person who adds 30 minutes to every meeting and no one will want to be your friend.
Our disclaimers don’t just soften the vulnerable feelings either. Next time you get a compliment accept it. Don’t give a disclaimer minimizing your good. If you wear a rockin outfit take those compliments. Make a killer meal? Take those compliments like the badass chef you are. This doesn’t mean you aren’t humble. Being humble isn’t a one time thing, that’s an everyday thing. Accepting a compliment is more than ok. So just say thank you and hold your head a little higher. .
Bottom line: Own your feelings. There are pros and cons to everything and some days we feel cons more than pros and vise versa. You’ll have hard times and good times so just own the emotions that come with them so you don’t find yourself trying to keep the box lid on. Don’t harp too long on them, they need to pack their bags and move along, as do you. Just remember you don’t have to have it together all the time so drop the disclaimers.