The Church Doesn’t Know What To Do With A Single 28 Year Old

posted in: In the Mayhem | 3

Church can leave us single folk feeling isolated, misunderstood, and even a little disrespected. It can leave us questioning God’s goodness, His plans, and even our worthiness of love.


The church doesn’t know what to do with a 28 year old single woman. It’s true. I was once told by someone who once lead young adult bible studies “I used to have so many girls come to me just crying about being single, and now they are all married so you’ll get your turn”…. Ummmm thanks?? I don’t really feel that way, should I??? Apparently my lack of a melt down is the reason I’m not married yet. Oh well.

I recently read a post by Lindsey Nobles and it got me thinking. In her post she writes

We need the Church to cast a vision for intimacy with our “brothers and sisters” that goes beyond getting married and having 1.9 kids.

It’s true. So many church messages and events relate to a family dynamic. Sunday sermons so often deliver analogies regarding marriage and kids. I do work with kids so I get the kid ones, but for those who don’t spend their time with kid this can grow tiresome. Too often church events cater to the family and married couples. Those regular pre marital classes are great and those bi-annual marriage retreats are much needed. I would love nothing more than to go on a retreat with women from my church. I don’t want a single’s gathering or outing. I want real deal fellowship with other women. So often these things are overlooked as church leaders focus on families.

I once looked over the list of upcoming bible studies, eager to join one. Only to realize I “qualified” for none of them. NOT A ONE. I was either single, not a mom, too old for college to 25 and too young for others. There were general women’s studies but they meet at 9:00 am on a Tuesday. Do you know what I do at 9:00 am on a Tuesday? Teach algebra.

We need the Church to not just take our time and resources but recognize us as a demographic that is worthy of it’s time and resources.


And we need the Church to see us as vital parts of the body.

As single men and women of the church we have a viewpoint to offer that many have long forgotten. I’m sure if you talked to those who were single they would speak highly of their relationship with God and how trusting we are of him. We don’t have a spouse to rely on when we’ve had a rough day. If I have a rough day God and I have a long chat on the way home from work. While most church goers are busy dropping kids off in various locations around church before the service, we’re able to sit back and watch the church come to life each Sunday. To feel the church come to life is a rare gift that I don’t even think the pastors get to witness.

I encourage you all to open the doors to these discussions as the culture of the church evolves. If you see someone sitting by themselves watching the church come to life, go say hi.

This post was inspired by Lindsey Nobles post titled Church and the Single Girl over at

3 Responses

  1. Adelle
    | Reply

    Well said. I’ve long felt this way Even as a young adult. Now that I’m 33 I feel it even more. No place for me. I’m an anomaly on the church. Which led me through a tough time of questioning God and what in the world was wrong with me. Even now with a solid boyfriend, because we are not rushing to be married we fit nowhere still. Thank you for sharing something that’s always bothered me.

    • sarah
      | Reply

      Yes I too feel the anomaly in the church at times. It started when I was too old of the college/under 25 group but not really old enough for other groups with people in their 30’s. Glad to hear your not rushing your relationship either. Thanks for commenting!

  2. Brooke
    | Reply

    I met my hubby at 26 married at 28, and I know exactly what you are describing. I never understood while I wasn’t “allowed” in the bible studies with the girls I’d grown up with, just because I wasn’t married.

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