If you join a book launch team, It will be exactly zero fun.

posted in: In the Mayhem | 5

Don’t ever join a book launch team, your friends will think you’re crazy.

You will wait on your book like a kid on Christmas Eve. Don’t be surprised if you stalk every UPS truck within a 5 mile radius of your house while you wait. You’ll second guess putting in your address correctly or wonder if you hit the send button on the info sheet.

Eventually you will get your pre-released book that final edits haven’t been finalized in. You will giggle at the typos and feel better knowing that even the greats make mistakes while typing. Soon though, you’ll fall in love with the book and the stories they contain. You will pick up new phrases from the book, such as “hoursecrappery” “spiritual soda pop” and “off the beam”. Your actual regular friends will look at you as if you’ve grown another head when you use them in regular conversation.

The friends I made by noon. We had zero fun together all day.
The friends I made by noon. We had zero fun together all day.

Your launch team will create a facebook group and soon you will have 20 notifications every single day. Those people you actually know will cease to exist in the cyber world. Sub groups will form within the whole group. You may actually find people in the same season of life as you and that is just nonsense. You will meet others that make you realize you’re not the only one with crazy relatives, or trying to navigate the complex world of adoption. Or maybe it’s those battling the world as a single woman, or maybe just people trying to figure out this whole blog thing. Soon you’ll start sending real actual mail to each other just because it’s fun. You may even donate money to an organization you strongly believe in that you didn’t even know existed. You will become vulnerable and ask for prayer from people you’ve never met. You will feel the power of those prayers and begin to pray for others. Yes, you will pray for people you’ve never met. All of these things are exactly zero fun or life-giving and I do not recommend any of them.

FullSizeRender (1)A few months will pass and the book will finally come out to the public and you will hand copies to everyone you know. Don’t take it personal when a friend finally sees your name in the book and goes “oh so this is like a real thing”. Let it go, not everyone will understand the madness. Seeing your name in a published book is also zero fun.
But be warned, the leader of this tribe may invite you to her house to celebrate. Causing you to buy a ticket to a city you’ve never been to with people you’ve never met because that is just the worst idea ever. You will freakishly stare at everyone you meet at the airport and wonder if they are one of your tribe members too. If only you could see their facebook page. In efforts to make small talk; your seat mate may ask you why you’re flying to Texas and you’ll tell him. He will look at you and nod with an “oh, cool…”. Forgive him for not understanding your weird level of excitement about a book.

Part of the tribe
Part of the tribe

You will eventually arrive in this terrible new city. You will begin to explore this horribly dull town called Austin, Texas with these new strangers and eat a taco or two…. or three. There’s a good chance this group of strangers will turn into actual friends by noon so be cautions of enjoying their company. Oh and asking complete strangers who work in a store to breakfast and church is perfectly acceptable behavior with this tribe.

Now the leader of the tribe will tidy her house and have her whole family there to greet you when you come over for a cookout with more tacos. Seriously, these are terrible tacos don’t eat them. You will laugh with your new terrible friends and have no fun at all. You will get to meet the writer of the words and feel like a babbling idiot because ITS JUST TOO MANY FEELINGS AT ONCE. She’ll hug you and make you feel important and be sincere. Horrible character trait on her part. Seriously Jen, could you BE any nicer?

FullSizeRenderThe party will finally end after a few more laughs and tear or two. You’ll wish these terrible people lived near you because you may actually like them. You will not want to sleep but keep visiting with these people you just met in this weird city. So you’ll stay up way too late like you’re in high school. Again, zero fun.

The next day you’ll get up for coffee with new friends and head to the tribe leader’s church where you’ll come face to face with an emotional wrecking ball and be wrecked in the best of ways. Then you’ll say goodbye to these new terrible friends you’ve made. You’ll finally head home only to fall apart and cry at the airport over these new people. You will walk around wondering why no one understands how you feel. They will ask how your trip was and you’ll feel like you’re trying to describe a color. You’ll miss these terrible new people who were zero fun and those horrid tacos you ate 3 out of 4 meals. You may even contemplate moving to said town because you really hated those tacos.

But seriously, Don’t join a book launch. It will be zero fun.

Tribe leader and writer of the words
With the Tribe leader and writer of the words


5 Responses

  1. LeeAnna
    | Reply

    Loved this! So thankful to have met you friend!

  2. Amanda
    | Reply

    So good!

  3. Kelly S
    | Reply

    Brings back all the memories. Love it!

  4. Talya Tate Boerner
    | Reply

    Ha!!! Love this. Okay, I’m trying to figure out the best way to pull together a launch team for my debut novel (yay) and came across your post. I think you should be in charge of it, because you have experience.

    You think I’m kidding, but I’m so not.

    • sarah
      | Reply

      I sent you an e-mail! Would love to hear more about your book.

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