I Hate August

Last night I went to dinner and when the waitress asked me what I wanted to drink I couldn’t answer her. I just sat there with a blank look on my face. She wasn’t sure what to do with me in my beyond tired state. I have a long standing hatred with August.


Coaching soccer in August was the worst and we could never figure out why we despised the start of a new year and fresh faces. Then one day as I stood on a field in weather that can only be described as the armpit of summer, it hit me.
Last May I coached a group of girls who knew what to do. I had coached, they had listened and we could play some decent soccer. Well, as decent as a 10-year-old can play. But still, we looked good. Then summer came and a new crew of newbies rolled into camp. New faces and names to learn and where not to put them on the field.
Most nicknames are born in August.
Not because we think your kid is rad, but you named your kid Maddison and she’s one of 3 on the team, but not to be confused with Addison either. So when Maddison # 2 shows up wearing polka dotted socks I’m going to call her polka spots. Not because it’s funny and cute, but because I can’t remember her name and you don’t wear polka dots to soccer. However, you all will look fondly on this cute nickname when she’s graduating high school, you’re welcome.
In May, I can tell a player to mark the forward and she will. But now it’s August and Polka Spot doesn’t know what a forward is or how to mark one. I’ll tell her to push up and she’ll stand still while looking at me all perplexed. Then one day I learned to speak in terms of a kid and it was life altering in August. It sounds like this: 4 steps forward, 8 steps towards the parent’s side….. etc. If Polka Spot is smart she will not have to reference her pointer finger and thumb to determine which way is left.
At the end of a soccer season, our Rome was built and we were mighty Romans but tryouts brought on the Germanic leaders and our city fell. Every August we began to rebuild our fine city, even if we had to use our pointer finger and thumb to figure out how to move 3 steps to the left.
I don’t coach anymore, but I still hate August.
I teach and it’s downright exhausting this time of year. Parents, I know you are right there with us. It takes 3 weeks to build a habit and we’re all working hard to get there, but by golly, it’s week 2 and I need wine.
Training little minds is exhausting.

Case in point:
This is your red folder when I give you something important such as vocab words and study guides it goes in the folder and you don’t throw it way. Anything in this folder will help you study for a test.

*Next Class*
Put this in your red folder.
I don’t have my red folder.
Where is your red folder?
In my locker.
Why is it in your locker?
I can’t open my locker.
Why can’t you open your locker?
I forgot the code.
Where’s the slip with your code?
In my locker….


I hate August.

One Response

  1. Me
    | Reply

    Your theme song is the one I heard today about summer has come and gone…wake me up at the end of September…that was part of the chorus!ha

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