When you don’t have a 2 in the tens place any more

posted in: In the Mayhem | 3

Tim McGraw wrote a song about it and Jennifer Gardner taught us to be thirty, flirty and thriving. It has always seemed as if 30 was a far off distant number. Thirty, such an adult number. A number indicating I’m no longer the youngest at the table, ok sometimes I still am, or allowed grace for youthful mistakes. Turning the big 3-0 hasn’t sent me into a tizzy, but created an optimistic outlook on life and the direction in which mine is headed. Has hitting this milestone of sorts made me reflect on life? Yes, hitting a milestone year will often make one reflective on life’s journey. When I think about the 20-year-old Sarah all I can think to tell her is “bless your heart”. No one told me my 20’s would be a decade of sorting life out, learning lessons the hard way, learning to make decisions, dealing with those decisions all while figuring out who I was and wasn’t and being content with myself.
My twenties taught me how there are no wrong choices, ok maybe a few like getting bangs, but my twenties taught me I’m not necessarily making wrong and right choices, just choices. All my choices have a result and it’s on me to handle those results and learn from them. I think most of us feel as though we’re walking down a path that is our life and if we were to decide to take a sharp left turn, it might be the wrong one and derail our life’s destiny. This is so far from the truth. Turning 30 gives you a perspective on these life choices you made years ago and reveals how right you were. I made a lot of choices early on and because of those choices, my thirties will not be spent paying off debt. I’m learning there are pros and cons to every situation and some days we just jump and enjoy the fall.
When I look at 20-year-old me, I see a girl who wasn’t sure what she stood for, but 10 years later I do know what I stand for and against. Almost creating a flow chart for my decision making now. I know more about who I am and what makes me tick. I’m learning to say no thank you to make more room for the hell yes.
My twenties taught me how we can wake up one morning with our lives going a certain way, only to go to bed having our worlds been turned upside down. While my friends went down the path of marriage, house buying and procreating, I went down the path of suffering and loss. There are days when this creates a bitterness in me, and other days I realize how much I learned from this suffering and how the lessons learned are insurmountable. I am learning to accept how my outlook on life has been affected by my suffering and understanding my friends may not view life the way I do simply because they have walked through different experiences.
In the last 10 years, I’ve set foot on 2 other continents and handful of countries. I’ve explored cities all over the U.S and fallen in love with each and every one of them. One time I even hopped on a plane to go to a city I’d never been to with people I’d never met and it was the greatest of adventures. I discovered I could write and people might actually read it. I’ve made new friends and found a good church. I ran two half-marathons and climbed a legit mountain in Montana.
Some create a bucket list to hit before a certain age, and there’s nothing wrong with a little goal setting. But I prefer a list of things I have done and accomplished. A gentle reminder of how good this life is and how much more is to come.
To thirty-year-old Sarah, I say hello. I think I’m going to like you.

3 Responses

  1. GRAMMIE
    | Reply

    TO THIRTY YEAR OLD SARAH, I SAY I LIKE YOU AND I LOVE YOU FOR THE WOMAN YOU HAVE BECOME, FOR THE LITTLE GIRL YOU WERE, AND FOR ALL THE PRECIOUS MEMORIES YOU HAVE GIVEN ME. YOU ARE THE BEST GRANDDAUGHTER . YOU REALLY ENRICHED MY LIFE AND I THANK YOU. LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH.

  2. Jeff
    | Reply

    Good job

  3. Elaine Pinkerton
    | Reply

    So glad you discovered you can write! I always enjoy reading your blog which often makes me laugh and sometimes brings tears…it’s all good! You have already endured and accomplished much. There’s a lot about you to like! I think you’re pretty incredible for recognizing that at your (still) young age. Looking forward to reading more…

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