3 years ago I started a blog because my Dad got sick and I was tired of answering the same dumb questions. I didn’t need to spend all of my time updating everyone on what leukemia was and how it was treated. Followed by updates on how Dad was doing and bla bla bla.
I recently had a conversation with a friend experiencing the world of cancer and how it was nice to to just post things on social media and not have the same conversations 10 times a day. She laughed because she knew what I was talking about.
In my efforts to control the situation (I’m a first born, let me be)and avoid making rude snarky comments when people asked well intended questions, I started a blog. It was just a way to keep the people updated and maintain some level of normal outside of the hospital while behaving as the proper lady my mother raised me to be.
The more I wrote, the better I processed all that was going on. My little family blog was my free therapy. Some days I wrote a serious post trying to put cancer words, such as neutropenic, into terms people could actually understand. If you’re wondering, it means your white cell count is low which results in a weak immune system and you are more prone to infection. Some days I made light of the craziness that was hospital life. Such as the time I wasn’t allowed to leave because of a bomb threat, but eventually snuck out only to see the swat team in the parking lot. Good times.
Then one day a friend told me they shared my blog with a friend because her husband needed a bone marrow transplant and was wondering what to expect. They later thanked me for my insight and told me how much more prepared they felt for the transplant after reading my blog. I was shocked someone could benefit from my story. I wasn’t looking for an audience, just a way to diffuse the repetitive questions of my everyday life.
The more I blogged the more I heard “why aren’t you blogging for real?” “why aren’t you getting paid for this?” (still not, if someone wants to). My response was simple.
I didn’t know I could.
After my Dad passed and I didn’t need the family blog any more, with the encouragement from someone who thought my e-mails were funny, I took the leap into blogging. This little rabbit hole I jumped down has led to some amazing people and experiences. Funny how God can use a hard time, to show me a world I didn’t know existed. While I hope to write my story in book form and continue to figure out this blog, God keeps sending me little reminders to keep going when I want to quit. A post shared or goes semi-viral. A friend tells me how she goes back and reads old post at work when she needs a laugh. God’s way of saying “I see you, keep going”
One day I’ll be able to read the family blog and remember that time of our lives. That time is still a little blurry and I recall nothing of 2014 because grief is fun. These hard times tough, have lead to some new dreams I never would have predicted. Some are tiny little dreams I’m still trying to figure out and some are big and scare the tar out of me.
I’ve learned to surround myself with the best of people who believe in my dreams. Even the silly tiny ones. As I continue to fall down this rabbit hole God sent me down, I can’t help but feel loved. He took the worst part of my story and brought life to new dreams.
I don’t know where these dreams will take me or what will come of them and I think I kinda like that.
Have any big dreams? Tiny dreams? silly dreams? share them with me!
This blog post is part of a link up hosted by http://mrsdisciple.com/ titled friday five.