I’m working on it……

posted in: In the Mayhem | 0

As I near the end of my 20s (my first decade as an adult ) I’m a little more “self actualized”. One thing I’ve realized is I can some times on occasion be a little tiny bit cynical. I don’t know why this a natural skill for me. It just is. The birthday book says people born on my birthday are in fact cynical. Maybe it’s all the sociology, psychology and anthropology classes I took in high school and college where I learned just a tad too much about how we as humans operate. Observing social situations and cultural norms is good fun in my book. For whatever reason, I lean a little on the cynical side.1

I’m trying to not be cynical but it is just a natural reaction sometimes. At times it’s in defense of others asking less than intelligent questions and me not killing them. After all, “there’s no such thing as a stupid question” right?? Maybe it’s just less intelligent to me?? Maybe that person really really is confused on a subject matter and needed some clarification. I’m sure I’ve asked a question or two once or twice in my life. From now on I will sit quietly in my professional development trainings and not roll my eyes as someone ask their 500th question of the day. I will continue to doodle on my paper as if I am taking very important notes.

I also know that my cynicism can get in the way of my own experience. As much as I like to point things out and crack a joke in tense times; It’s a defensive move on my part when things are just too many feelings at once. I’m working on being more present and in the moment and sincere. Sometimes my cynicism gets in the way of these things. I’m a first-born virgo and by default must be in control of my emotions at all times so up go the roadblocks when it’s just too much.

One thing I’ve realized is that when you decide to work on yourself, the enemy will do his best to throw you off your game. Want to go on a diet? He will show up with all the bad foods. Want to save money? Your favorite store will have a sale. He’s just no fun EVER. Unless the fun is bad, then he’s lots and lots of fun.

For instance, I was doing well with being less cynical until I drove by a house with a sign that said “Pre-Schooler of the Month” with a rainbow on it. y’all I drove by this house multiple times that week to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me. Every one who makes it through the day without eating the paste is a star student at that level. I really did hold back on posting a picture of said sign. I really really did. I may have had 40 cynical thoughts about it but I get points for trying right?? So bare with me as I work on refining my personality thing.

 

What are you working on refining?

 

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