I took an IQ test….

posted in: In the Mayhem | 0

JUST KIDDING! However, I did buy Ikea furniture and put it together so same thing. About 12 or 13 years ago a lovely little shop called Ikea decided to call Atlanta it’s home. There it has sat in all it’s big blue box glory just of 16th street. Ikea I love you and I hate you. Once you find your way into the store the sensory overload sets in and the “Oh my gosh I need this” thoughts pop up. You just have to tell yourself that, no you don’t need that entertainment center that works so well in a 400 sq. foot home. You don’t need to remodel your entire kitchen. You also don’t need all those containers for all your organizing pinterest board dreams. I talk about you later Swedish meatballs (so cheap and yummie!). If you go, to just go, you will buy more crap you don’t need. So go with caution and mission.

My mission was a nightstand. I found my furniture and noted the Aisle and Bin number because that is just the IKEA way. Good luck in your mission that is the stock room at the end of you tour. It’s kinda like gift shops on your way out of a museum or Disney ride that scream “Buy our crap and Give us your money!!!!!” If you’re lucky your boxes are small enough and light enough to carry. Allowing you to not need the assistance of one of their carts which you can push around about as well you can help a drunk sorority girl walk in heels.

Because Ikea loves to save us some money, you get to assemble your furniture yourself. YAY!!!!!
  (still waiting on sarcasm font) Which brings me to the following:

1. The packaging with really nifty warning labels. I assume this is a universal symbol:

2. Next, you open the box and see all the pieces and I have flashback to my brother’s transformers and their 50,000 parts. This is where you start to regret your decision to go the big blue.

3. Needing some zen,  you give yourself some positive self talk. You see the instructions and you kinda sorta remember what it looked like on the shelf in the store. anxiety is down, confidence is up.

4. Then you see this little guy in the manual. Is this the big blue spokesperson?? We will call him Sven as I assume he is Swedish. Is he telling me to get some screw drivers and call if I am missing some? Clearly the Swedish couldn’t spare a few pennies on actually posting their help line number.

5. So you lay out all your parts and everything checks out and the anxiety continues to lower and you keep telling yourself “This can’t be that hard” then you check the first step… no words. I’m a visual learner but OH MY GOSH! PLEASE, PLEEEEEASE charge me an extra dollar to get a few words printed in my instructions. I don’t mind paying for this piece of information.

6. Assemble you will because the thought of putting this back in its original packing is just to traumatic. Luckily they now idiot proof these things and put little arrows on important parts. Yes, you will need those arrows just accept it.

7. I would akin the Ikea furniture assemblage to a religious experience in that you might meet Jesus here. I encourage you to accept a prayer for wisdom and patience if this happens. I only managed to put one piece in upside down and refrained from any foul language. I think I passed the Ikea IQ test.

I’m told after child birth you kinda forget the pain and willingly have another. Ikea furniture is not like this my friend. I will not be buying any large more complex pieces of furniture. I will stick to simple shelves from now on. Here’s my finished project. My brain is now tired. IQ test are hard.

Leave a Reply